Divorce awareness is growing today, and it is not considered a life failure anymore. As such, many people are finally deciding to leave unhealthy, toxic relationships and improve their lives. However, this does not imply that divorce is the solution to every family problem.
And while you should avoid abusive partners and strive for happiness in your life, you should also consider improving communication with someone you truly love, even if you are not perfectly happy with all the aspects of the relationship. However, the line between those two is often blurry, and making the final call can be highly challenging. It is vital to read about the psychological stages of divorce, but it shouldn’t affect your decision – only you can determine if you want to stay in your marriage.
In the article below, we will explain when divorce is the answer to your problems. Abuse, toxic relationships, provocations, stress, hiding your real self, and lack of forgiveness – these are just some of the topics we’re going to cover. Read on – and we hope this article will help you make your decision.
What Makes Marriages Unworkable?
There are many factors that can contribute to making a marriage unworkable. The term “unworkable” is used when one or both partners in a relationship stop making an effort to improve their bond. If this happens, the relationship will most likely fall apart.
The most common reasons why marriages become unworkable include:
- Differences in opinions. This is by far the most common reason why relationships fail when they shouldn’t. If you cannot find common ground with your partner when it comes to important topics such as religion, children, family planning, etc., your marriage will probably not stand the test of time.
- Unfaithfulness. If your partner is unfaithful or you suspect they are cheating on you, the marriage is already in trouble. Having an affair is one of the most common reasons why married couples split up. However, it doesn’t mean the relationship is beyond saving.
- Abuse. Physical, emotional, and psychological abuse can ruin any relationship. If you are being abused by your spouse, it is time to get out of the relationship regardless of how much love you have for them.
- Stress. If both of you are under a great deal of stress at work and you fail to manage it properly, that can cause problems in your relationship and make it fall apart.
- Hiding your authentic self. It is never advisable to hide your true self from the person you love. If you don’t tell your partner about your past mistakes, you will likely face many problems in the future.
How to Know if Your Marriage is Unworkable?
There are many ways to know if your marriage is beyond saving. The best way to understand what is going on in your relationship is to make a good old-fashioned list of good and bad things. If the number of bad ones is larger than the number of good things, there is a high chance that you should get out of the relationship – or at least you should address some issues together.
Here are some questions you need to ask yourself and your partner:
- Do you feel loved and respected?
- Do you feel happy and welcomed?
- Do you feel safe and comfortable?
- Do you feel supported and encouraged?
- Can you be yourself around your partner?
If your and your partner’s answers differ, your marriage might not be working out.
Can Marriage Problems Be Solved?
Most married couples face problems in their relationships that can be solved with hard work. However, some of them are beyond saving – and you need to know when it is time to end your relationship.
There are many reasons why people divorce. In some cases, they cannot agree on important topics like religion, family planning, or money. In other cases, one of them is physically or emotionally abusive. There also are situations when both sides are unhappy.
It is often possible to solve problems if you try hard enough. Some people suggest that if there is a situation in which both of you have to give up something to improve the relationship, then do so. In the end, it’s more important to have a happy marriage than to preserve minor aspects of it if the significant elements are already working well.
If you still want to work on your marriage but you’re out of ideas, you can consider couples therapy.
How to Improve Your Marriage?
- Communicate During Disagreements Respectfully
When you are having problems in your marriage, it is vital to talk about them. However, many people don’t know how to address issues adequetaly, and it can make the situation even worse.
The best way to talk about your problems with your partner is to avoid accusative language. Instead of saying, “you never listen to me,” say, “I feel like you don’t listen to me.” Try to avoid using “always” and “never” as well. If you accuse your spouse, they will likely become defensive, which will only worsen the situation.
Remember that communication is the key to every relationship. If you want your marriage to succeed, then it’s crucial that both of you communicate during disagreements instead of avoiding them. Many couples avoid conflict because they think that doing that will improve their relationship, but this is wrong. Avoiding conflicts will only make it worse because there will be resentment between the two of you, leading to bigger issues later on.
So, even though it can be difficult at first, both of you must learn how to communicate during disagreements without losing your temper or saying things you regret later on.
- Learn How to Compromise
The ability to compromise is crucial if you want your marriage to last. Even if you have very different opinions, you should always try to see the situation from another person’s perspective. That will help you find a middle ground and decide to make both of you happy. For example, if you are a Christian and your partner is not, you can agree to raise your children in your faith without forcing it on them, offering a great amount of freedom.
- Respect Each Other’s Boundaries
It’s good to be open with your partner, but you should also respect their boundaries. For example, you can’t force anything on the other person just because you know what’s best for them. Instead, you should try to persuade them through rational arguments but also be able to accept defeat. Moreover, while it’s essential to communicate your needs, you should never put them above your partner’s needs. Don’t make them feel guilty when they’re not in the mood to do something you’d like to do at that very moment. And so on.
- Communicate During Sex
If you want your marriage to last, you should never be afraid to talk about your sex life. If you don’t like how your partner treats you, you should say something about it. Don’t be shy to tell them what you really want in bed. That will help your sex life improve, and you will feel closer to your partner. And remember – if you cannot compromise, respect, and communicate with your partner, the marriage is bound to fail.
As we have seen in this article, there are many reasons why marriages fall apart. However, it is often possible to solve problems by talking to each other and improving communication.
If you want your relationship to succeed, then you need to be open with your partner. As long as both of you are willing to make an effort to improve and compromise, you will most likely succeed.
And, if you are not sure whether your marriage is working or not, you should ask yourself the questions above. Remember that an unworkable marriage is not worth it, so if you are unhappy with your relationship, it might be the right time to make a change.