Choosing a partner to face life with you for the rest of your days is not an easy decision to make on your own. Rather, it’s a mutual decision that needs to be hashed out by both partners to make sure that they’re both on the same page.
However, it’s easy to get lost in the scope of things, especially when you consider how complicated modern life can get with responsibilities and changes. Luckily, your future life with your partner can be a lot easier if you’re able to discuss important values ahead of time. Here are a few you should focus on:
Having and Raising Children
If this hasn’t come up over the course of your conversations, you might want to discuss this now. However, this talk should go beyond whether you want kids or not. It’s also important to discuss things such as how to discipline your kids (if you want them) and how to deal with the possibility of adoption if you’re unable to have kids on your own. These issues can complicate a marriage if left undiscussed.
Money and Careers
Money is one of the biggest things that couples fight about and is also a common source for stress. It’s important to decide whether to keep your money separate or to pool your money together, which accounts you’d use for everyday expenses, and which to use for big investments. This will also be the discussion where you’d be able to set budgets that you’re both satisfied with.
On the other hand, you also have to consider each of your careers and where you want to be in the future to help get your expectations in line with reality.
One difficult truth in marriage is that disagreements are an eventuality that all couples need to prepare for. Different people have different ways of managing conflict. Some people simply refuse to talk, while others prefer to press on with issues until they’re finished. A disparity in argument management styles can often lead to hostilities, which in turn may lead to domestic violence if left unresolved.
There isn’t a cookie-cutter solution for this, especially when you consider the social dynamics involved due to variations in conflict management style between people. However, it’s also surprising how much clear communication can assist in conflict resolution.
Bucket Lists and Deal Breakers
Finally, you have to consider each other’s bucket lists and deal breakers. It’s important to determine what each of you will and won’t tolerate. You don’t want to discover these things a few months into the marriage when seeds of dislike may take root.
Acknowledge each other’s big goals in life to give a semblance of direction in your marriage. This is also a constant reminder that you’re there to help each other make these goals a reality.
A marriage involves constant support and communication. While there are many other things you’ll likely talk about over the course of your relationship, these are the core basics that you need to hash out before marriage, as they will serve as a guide on what to expect from each other.