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You are here: Home / Buzz / 4 steps to happy

Buzz

4 steps to happy

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I’m an extremely positive person, and there is very little that can sway me from my outlook on life. There are people in my life (both friends and family) who can be real “Debbie Downers.” This post by our guest blogger, Lynda Wallace is for THEM.

“Some may say that mimicking people is not good enough – that simply wearing Michael Jordan’s jersey doesn’t make you Michael Jordan – and they’re right. But if you behave more like Jordan in his playing years, including practicing, competing, and working out, then you’ll be that much better as a basketball player, and more like Mike,” says Wallace, a certified positive psychology coach and the author of “A Short Course in Happiness: Practical Steps to a Happier Life.”

1. Focus on the Positive

If you have only five minutes a day to dedicate to becoming a happier person, here’s a great way to spend it. Each night, before going to bed, write down five things for which you feel grateful. As you write your list, take a moment to reflect on each item. Call up a picture in your mind and experience your gratitude in a heartfelt way. This is a great way to jump start gratitude, optimism, and kindness, all of which have enormously positive effects on our happiness.

2. Cope Effectively with the Negative

Wallace quotes Thich Nhat Hanh, who said, “Don’t wait until you have no more suffering before allowing yourself to be happy.” Negative experiences are a part of every life. We do best when we are able to acknowledge and accept the difficult emotions that come with the experiences, see what they have to teach us, and then use coping skills such as reaching out to others, gaining perspective on our troubles, and actively engaging in the things we do that give our lives meaning.

3. Develop Strong Relationships

No matter how much we may enjoy and need our time alone, the fact remains that we are an intensely social species, and that meaningful connections with other people are essential to happiness. In fact, research makes it clear that the single most important characteristic of very happy people is that they have trusting relationships at the center of their lives. Wallace says that those relationships may be with romantic partners, family members, or friends; it doesn’t much matter. “What matters is that we take the time and trouble to nurture and appreciate our most important relationships, and that we don’t allow other priorities to crowd out our focus on them.”

4. Pursue Meaningful Goals 

“When I first began studying the positive psychology research,” says Wallace, “one of the biggest surprises for me was just how important goal pursuit is to happiness.” Goals focus and motivate us. They increase our resilience by giving us reasons to keep going following setbacks. And they give us a highly gratifying sense of purpose, forward motion, and meaning.

“One of the most important things to understand about goals is that making progress toward them actually contributes even more to our happiness than achieving them does. So it’s important that we choose our goals well. Pursuing them doesn’t have to be easy or entirely pleasant. In fact, we gain the most happiness from working toward goals that demand a lot from us. But they do need to fit well with who we are and what we value.”

For more ways to uplift your life

  • Check out Lynda’s site: lyndawallace.com

Photo credit: ToniVC / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND


2 Comments

About Zipporah Sandler

Zipporah Sandler AKA Zippy is a lifestyle and travel specialist who after living everywhere from Providence to Paris found herself suddenly residing in South Florida (something she swore she’d never do).

Whether it be San Pellegrino water or Louis Roderer Cristal, Zippy suggests that you keep your life sparkling and your glass full.

« Come #DiscoverAruba with me
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Comments

  1. Debra says

    July 31, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    These are great tips. I think the one thing that has kept me going is the realization that life happens, and doesn’t necessarily happen to me. I stopped taking the bad stuff personally and that has changed my whole outlook.

  2. Zipporah Sandler says

    July 31, 2013 at 6:31 pm

    That’s AWESOME Debra. It’s just not worth getting wound up over things we can’t change, and change those that we can!

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