This is where I dreamed of staying.

Mon Dieu!

Ms. 5-star hotel here spent a few nights in central Thailand, shacked up in a campervan with someone she didn’t even know.

When I first received the invitation to Thailand, my mind wandered to beautiful beaches with 5-star hotels, the kind that are on stilts over the teal waters, and food that would make Tony Bourdain drool.

Then came the e-mail…it all looked amazing, until my eyes were drawn to this…

Included services: 4 campervans, English speaking guide, parking fee & expressway fees…….shortwave radio for communication.

This was my home for a couple of nights.

STOP THE PRESSES

Did they send this itinerary to the wrong gal? What about me says campervan? Did they know that I never even camped out in my own backyard as a child? That’s right, I, Zippy Sandler have NEVER camped in my life…not in a tent, a cabin or a campervan.

I panicked

What does one wear when camping?

I know the difference between formal, semi-formal, country-club casual, etc….but what is camping fashion?

How many of us would there be to a van?

I’m the type when paired up at conferences, pays the difference so we can EACH have our own room. I don’t do roommates.

I think he knew I couldn’t cook & was ready for me

Somewhere in the document it said – shopping at the open market & cooking

COOKING? You mean, I’m flying for almost 30 hrs and I can’t be waited on, or even call out for delivery?

We would be doing local crafts

CRAFTS? (same reaction as cooking) Would this involve me holding a glue gun or a paint brush? Is there a hospital next door to where we’ll be? Have you ever seen me with an X-Acto knife or a knitting needle?

It wasn’t perfect…but I TRIED MY BEST to make a Thai flower garland.

Maybe I’m being a little over-dramatic. I do have shorts and t-shirts. The truth is I can sew, throw pottery, even sketch a bit, and I cook at least once  a week every other week.

Still…where are my beaches and my fine dining restaurants?  What about those fabulous Thai massages and spa treatments? This isn’t what I signed up for.

To be continued……