This is what I THINK I can do…
Ah, the holiday season—a time for joy, laughter, and the annual battle between me and gift wrapping. You see, in my mind, I’m the Martha Stewart of holiday wrapping. In reality, I’m more like the Picasso of gift-wrap disasters. Each year, I embark on a quest to turn perfectly square presents into a chaotic explosion of paper, tape, and misplaced bows. It’s a tradition, really—one that has my friends and family eagerly anticipating the unveiling of their gifts, if only to witness the next chapter in my wrapping odyssey.
It all starts innocently enough. Armed with scissors, tape, and rolls of festive paper, I set the stage for what I convince myself will be a masterpiece. I survey the scene like a general strategizing for battle, ignoring the looming sense of impending doom. This is the year, I tell myself. This is the year I conquer the art of gift wrapping.
But alas, my fingers seem to have a mind of their own, completely disregarding any semblance of coordination. As I attempt to cut a straight line, it becomes clear that my scissors have joined forces with the wrapping paper, conspiring against me. The result? Jagged edges that could rival a poorly maintained hedge. Martha Stewart would be appalled.
Too much tape, edges rag-tag & not folded
Tape, my supposed ally, quickly turns into my arch-nemesis. It sticks to everything but the paper. My fingers, the table, the cat—nothing is safe from the tape’s relentless grip. I find myself engaged in a futile dance, desperately trying to free myself from its clutches while simultaneously wrestling with a rogue ribbon that’s decided to rebel against my festive vision.
The wrapping paper itself seems to mock me with its creases and folds, forming an origami masterpiece of chaos. Martha Stewart probably never faced the dilemma of accidentally turning a snowman-patterned paper into a psychedelic swirl reminiscent of the ’60s.
And let’s not even talk about bows. Those dainty, perfectly tied bows adorn Martha’s gifts like elegant accessories. In my world, bows are an endangered species, barely holding on for dear life atop a mound of crinkled paper and tape-induced stress.
Despite my best efforts, I stand back and survey the battlefield. The result is a sight that could make even the most avant-garde artists raise an eyebrow. It’s a masterpiece, alright—a masterpiece of confusion, mismatched patterns, and a generous sprinkling of glitter (unintentional, of course).
and so I toss gifts into a bag that resembles something found on the side of the road
So here’s to another year of embracing my inner Martha Stewart, even if she’s buried beneath layers of crumpled paper and twisted ribbons. Maybe one day I’ll join the ranks of expert gift wrappers, but until then, I’ll wear my all-thumbs badge with pride and a smile, knowing that the real gift is the laughter and memories created in the process.
Happy holidays, everyone! May your gifts be as uniquely wrapped as mine.
Embrace the effort!
