My parents taught me two very important things growing up.
- My Mother taught me that I could be anything I wanted to be and do anything I wanted to do – as long as I could read the directions
- My Dad taught me to Dare to Be Different
I’m going to be writing SPECIFICALLY about those lessons in weeks to come. But my point is that you think that with a background like that, you would think that I’d feel like I could do anything and command a room. Most of the time, I can (I learned well), but there have been moments when my inner 5-year-old rears her head and says, “Zippy, look at them, you don’t belong here.” It’s for THAT person that I’m writing this piece. I know that not everyone had parents who taught them these things, and it’s for those times and those of you who feel like you don’t have the confidence to go ahead that I’m writing this.
Confidence isn’t about being the loudest person in the room; it’s more about showing up as yourself, fully and unapologetically. You know, JUST YOU BEING YOU! The good news? Confidence is something you can practice. I’m the first to admit that on the outside, I look like I’m really confident, that I can command a room, and that I’m an incredible conversationalist – WRONG. I actually struggle beforehand because I know that people think those things about me, and not only do I not want to disappoint them, but I also don’t want to disappoint myself. I want to be THAT person, but inside, I don’t always feel like I am. So, once a week, I like to do small things that remind me of my own strength and help me carry myself with a little more je ne sais quoi or SPARKLE. You know I never gatekeep, so…
Here are my favorite confidence-boosting rituals that don’t take much time but leave me feeling more grounded, radiant, and sure of myself.
1. Practice Dressing for the Situation
Once a week, choose an outfit that makes you feel strong and beautiful, even if you’re just staying home. Putting on something that you know you look GREAT in changes the way you carry yourself, inside and out. I do this almost every day. Even when I’m not leaving the house all day and will be sitting in front of the computer, I dress to make myself feel better.
My tip: Add one bold accessory, like earrings or a scarf. Personally, I probably own 30+ scarves that I’ve collected to give me that French girl look. That single statement piece is my secret weapon.
What I use: My mirror. I finally broke down and bought a freestanding full-length mirror from Amazon. It was only about $45, and it’s not only good for fashion selfies, but I check out what I look like each day to make sure that what I’m showing to the world is JUST what I want to.
2. The Posture Reset
Confidence often shows before we even say a word. Spend a few minutes practicing standing tall with your shoulders back, chin lifted, spine long. It’s simple, but it’s amazing how quickly it shifts your energy, plus it’s so much better for your back. As a former dancer, this comes naturally to me.
My tip: My dance teacher once told me to imagine a string that goes from my chest to the ceiling. If you slouch, you’ll break the string. I’ve had that in my head for over 50 years, and I still think of it when I find myself not standing tall. It works when you’re sitting as well.
What I use: I’ve said it before but for me, taking a dance class (because you have to open up your chest with most forms of dance) is really important and I love it. You can find them online. I just happen to like class with Ralph Beaubrun, but there are free options on YouTube as well.
3. Speak It Out Loud
Once a week, I say an affirmation out loud. Something like, “I am capable” or “I’ve gotten through harder things than this.” Speaking it (not just thinking it) helps it stick.
My tip: I say mine while looking in the mirror. Haven’t you ever looked in the mirror and said, “You got this?” Well, do it more often. Yes, it feels funny at first, but seeing yourself believe your own words is powerful.
What I use: I also like to write positive things in my journal. It’s funny, because I rarely look back on them, but the action of writing it sticks with me. I don’t use fancy ones, as I prefer plain hardcover sketchbooks* and old school composition pads* , but if writing in a gorgeous journal makes you feel better, by all means do it.
4. Do One Brave Thing
Confidence grows when you push yourself. I choose one small “brave” action now and then. Maybe it’s making a phone call I’ve been putting off, trying a new class, or speaking up in a situation where I’d normally stay quiet.
My tip: I keep a “bravery list” of things that intimidate me a little. Each week, I check one off. It’s surprisingly satisfying.
What I do: I have an incredible fear of speaking on stage unless I’m acting. I was an actress who QUIT because of stage fright after many years. I let it get the best of me. Getting up in front of a crowd as MYSELF terrifies me. I make it a point to push myself to do it every once in a while.
5. Celebrate a Win
Confidence also comes from remembering what you’ve already accomplished. Each week, I take five minutes to write down one win. It can be big or small, but claiming it reminds me of how capable I already am.
My tip: Share your wins with your friends. That’s what they’re there for, to help celebrate you and in return, you celebrate them.
What I use: I have a big mouth and use my social media like Instagram or TikTok to celebrate wins, and when I see my friends post theirs, I celebrate theirs as well. It’s free, it’s easy, and it feels great to be able to support your online community and have them support you.
Wrapping It Up
Confidence isn’t built in grand gestures; it’s built in small rituals that remind you of your own strength. By power dressing, resetting posture, reminding yourself that you can do just about anything, doing brave things, and celebrating wins, you give yourself the gift of self-assurance week after week.
Because true confidence isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence. And presence can be practiced.
