I know that some of you look at me and think LIFE MUST BE PERFECT as a travel and lifestyle writer. You probably picture a life filled with chic airport lounges, clinking glasses at sunset, and a partner who says things like, “Sure, book it,” or at the very least, “What time do we leave?”
And then there is reality.
Reality might look like this. You are married to a man who is delightful content at home, funny at dinner parties (when I can get him to actually go with me), loyal to a fault, and deeply committed to the idea that flying is a necessary evil that should only be tolerated if it involves a lie-flat seat, a pre-departure lounge visit, and boarding before anyone else has even figured out which zone they are in. Economy class. Absolutely not. Premium economy. Why bother. Business class. Maybe. First class. Now we are talking.
Add to that a firm belief that travel should happen on his terms, on his timeline, with his comfort level front and center, and you have the makings of a very specific marital dynamic. One where you. A person whose literal job it is to explore the world. Somehow finds herself negotiating like a hostage mediator over every trip that does not involve a casino, a golf course, or something familiar (as in, does the ship stop in Key West?) or he’s disappointed.
Meanwhile, you have already booked seven trips. Because of course you have. This is who you are. Wanderlust is not a phase. It is not a hobby. It is not something that can be cured with a nice weekend at home. It is the way your brain works. It is the way your WORK works. New places spark creativity. Movement keeps you sane. Staying put too long makes you itchy in ways no moisturizer can fix.
So how do you handle it when you are married to someone whose travel style could generously be described as “selectively reluctant,” while yours is closer to “yes, and also that”?
Here are five ways to deal with wildly different travel styles. Or how to survive loving someone who says no to your wanderlust, unless it comes with first-class boarding and minimal turbulence.
Accept that you married a human, not a carry-on accessory
This sounds obvious, but it is the foundation of everything. You did not marry a travel buddy. You married a person. A full-grown adult with opinions, preferences, and a deep mistrust of turbulence, and a body and height that do not comfortably fit into an ordinary airplane seat. Expecting your husband to suddenly wake up one day, excited about a red-eye in economy with a connection in Newark is like him expecting you to be thrilled about staying home for the next decade because it is “easier.”
Different travel styles are not a flaw. They are a fact. Some people travel to relax. Some travel to explore. Some travel only if the seat reclines all the way and someone brings them warm nuts. None of these is wrong. They are just different.
Once you stop trying to convert him and start accepting him as he is, something magical happens. You free up a ton of emotional energy. Energy you can then use to plan your next trip. Or seven.
Redefine what “traveling together” actually means
There is a myth that couples must travel everywhere together to be happy. This myth is perpetuated by Instagram, matching outfits, and the idea that love looks best when photographed at golden hour. Real life is messier. And frankly, more interesting. Have you looked at my Instagram? Have you ever actually seen him (no, you haven’t because he doesn’t like to be photographed either).
Traveling together does not have to mean traveling everywhere together. It can mean choosing the trips that make sense for both of you and letting go of the rest. Maybe he loves cruises where unpacking happens once, and the casino is always nearby. Great. Book those. Maybe he is perfectly happy flying first class to a beach destination where the agenda includes naps and dinner reservations (but without the beach part, because for him sand….ugh, he thinks it’s there to just get into places it doesn’t belong). Fantastic.
And maybe there are trips that light you up that do absolutely nothing for him. Trips that involve long flights, lots of walking, museums, food markets, or simply the thrill of being somewhere unfamiliar. Those trips do not have to die just because he says no. They just have to evolve.
Which brings us to girlfriends.
Thank goodness for girlfriends who love to travel
Every travel writer should have a small but mighty group of women who hear the words “I got a casino comp” or “so and so just invited me on a press trip” and respond with “When do we leave?” These are the friends who do not need convincing. Who do not ask why. Who understands that sometimes the answer to life is a suitcase and a boarding pass.
Traveling with girlfriends is not a consolation prize. It is a gift. A different rhythm. A different energy. Less negotiation about seat selection and more discussion about where to eat next. There is freedom in traveling with people who share your curiosity and your pace. Who are happy to wander without an agenda and linger when something feels special.
And here is the ironic part. Traveling with girlfriends often makes your marriage better. You come home energized instead of resentful. Fulfilled instead of restless. You are not dragging your husband on trips he does not want, and you are not shrinking yourself to fit someone else’s comfort zone.
Everyone wins. Especially you.
Stop keeping score. Start keeping boundaries
It is tempting to keep a mental tally. He said no to this. He complained about that. He only agreed because it was first class. This way lies madness and passive-aggressive comments over dinner.
Instead, set clear boundaries around your need to travel. Not as a demand, but as a fact. Travel is part of your identity. It fuels your work and your joy. It is not optional. When you frame it this way, it stops being about convincing him and starts being about honoring yourself.
That might look like saying, “I would love for you to come, but I am going either way.” Or, “This trip is important to me, and I am excited about it.” Notice there is no apology in those sentences. There does not need to be.
At the same time, respect his boundaries too. If he does not want to fly unless it is first class, that is his line. You do not have to agree with it, but you can acknowledge it. Mutual respect beats mutual frustration every time.
Laugh. Because this is actually kind of funny
I personally find this the hardest part. But when you zoom out, the irony is almost poetic. A travel writer married to a man who hates to fly. A woman with seven trips booked ,negotiating seat classes like treaty terms. It is absurd. And because it is absurd, it is funny.
Laughter takes the edge off the tension. It reminds you that this is not a crisis. It is a personality mismatch in one specific area of life. One that can be managed with humor, compromise, and a healthy dose of girlfriends who are always up for an adventure.
You do not need your partner to be your everything. You need him to be your partner. And sometimes that means he stays home while you chase sunsets, stories, and the version of yourself that feels most alive when she is somewhere new.
In the end, love is not about identical boarding passes or shared enthusiasm for airport security lines. It is about supporting each other’s passions, even when you do not share them. It is about letting each other be who we are, without guilt or resentment.
So book the trips. Pack the bags. Toast your girlfriends. And when your husband asks where you are going this time, smile sweetly and say, “Somewhere fabulous.”
You can bring him back a souvenir. Just not a middle seat.
